Let's do a rapid-fire game of Would You Rather. I have four questions, and then a brief takeaway message for you. Ready?
Would you rather:
Work for someone who has overcome major adversity, or work for someone who has never experienced failure or hardship?
Would you rather:
Add someone to your team who has overcome major adversity, or add someone to your team who has never experienced failure or hardship?
Would you rather:
Hire a coach/mentor who has overcome major adversity, or hire a coach/mentor who has never experienced failure or hardship?
Would you rather:
Watch a TED talk by a speaker who has overcome major adversity, or watch a TED talk by a speaker who has never experienced failure or hardship?
Let me know if you disagree (seriously, please email me!), but I'm guessing for all four scenarios, you'd pick the individual who'd overcome some type of major adversity in their life.
(I've conducted hundreds of job interviews, and it's a HUGE red flag when a candidate can't come up with a response to “Tell me about a time you failed miserably in the workplace, and how you overcame it.”)
Cliché as it may sound, adversity IS our greatest teacher and source of growth in life.
Cool, but WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE?
According to psychologist and author Daniel Goleman, there are 4 domains of Emotional Intelligence:
- Self-awareness
- Self-management
- Social awareness
- Relationship management
In regards to adversity, let's focus on the first two domains, self-awareness and self-management.
Because they've achieved a level of mastery in these two domains, individuals with high EQ will be the folks who are most adaptable, emotionally balanced, and optimistic. They tend to remain calm, cool, and collected during a crisis.
Emotional intelligence helps us make mature decisions, get curious about what's happening and why, and stay the course, even when shit hits the fan. Or maybe it's better said especially when shit hits the fan.
On the other hand, individuals with low EQ tend to be much less skilled when it comes to self-awareness and self-management. In a crisis, low EQ manifests as panic or despair (or both), blame, and resistance to change.
Here's the good news: Emotional Intelligence is a skill set that can be learned and developed over time.
P.S. If you're thinking something along the lines of, “F**k you, Jayme - of course I don't like adversity and when shit hits the fan, I want out as quickly as possible. That doesn't mean I have low EQ,” then stay tuned for the next HOG blog post!
Here's a hint:
THE GOAL ISN'T TO DESIRE ADVERSITY. THE GOAL IS TO BE WILLING TO EXPERIENCE IT.